You need to get your eyes checked.

A wise man once said to me Put down the cracker, that Philadelphia cream cheese is mouldy.

Yo, Gramps, get with the times. This this be Sweet Chili Philly. It's delish, you should give it a go.

Mould can be red too, you know, toots.

The above account may be false.

What actually occurred was someone (definitely not me) in fact did mistake mouldy plain Philly spread for Philly with Sweet Chili and ate it..... AND ENJOYED IT.

I'm gonna get killed for leaking that one.

Always read labels.