I never thought I'd see the day.

There are two types of people. There are Fitness First members and then there are those who scoff and murmur ‘Tosser’ under their breath whenever someone sporting a Fitness First backpack is in sight. Apologies to those that belong to the church of FF, we’re probably so mean because deep down inside we’re really just jealous.

I always pigeon holed people with FF backpacks as suckers. Either they have so much money to throw around they don’t care about any extra 'fine print' costs they have to pay or they are some gullible sap that just sit and nod as the rep trying to sell the membership uses some fancy terms to disguise the ‘locked in’ clause of the contract. And then there are those fitness fanatics whose life revolves around protein shakes and this elite club called Fitness First.

Well ladies and gentlemen, today I officially became a sucker. In my effort to become healthy and lose weight I obviously have to commit to some sort of physical activity, and having previously enjoyed the experience of gym classes I decided to join a gym again. I had been reluctant to join any gym as the apartment block I live in has a mini gym accessible to all residents. It consists of a treadmill, an ancient elliptical cross trainer, a bike that blows years of dust build up in your face as you pedal and one of those ‘does everything’ weight machines. In that room the only equipment that actually seems useful for me is the treadmill, and that just won’t do, I need more variety. Now not being particularly financially advantaged I thought why pay for a gym membership when that mini gym is clearly incorporated within my fortnightly rent.

Well, there comes a point in a women’s life when you feel so shit about your appearance that you don’t care what it will cost just to obtain a bit of self-esteem. So I emailed a few gyms in the area for fee estimates, some were reasonably priced, with minimal facilities or some were quite expensive because they were personal trainer based. Now FF don’t just send you their membership prices willy nilly. Their sneaky marketing strategy gets you through the door first before they let you know how much they’ll be sucking from your wallet.

I brought TDH along with me to my FF consultation just so suggestible little Diet Queen doesn’t lock herself into their platinum membership for five years. Well the first impression of that particular FF was quite…um….impressive, including a minor celebrity sighting of none other than trainer Shannon from Australia’s Biggest Loser. Later I found out that Shannon actually runs some of the spin class sessions. I was sold!

Ok well Shannon wasn’t really the reason I joined that particular FF. They are about $7 a week more than the other gym I was considering, but their facilities were a lot more encouraging. Also with some haggling (and pleading poverty) I got the cute little nerdy rep to ditch the $100 membership fee (which I'm sure they always do to seal the deal). And the icing on the cake is that I can walk to the gym in under two minutes, thus reducing my carbon foot print (as I’d have to drive ten minutes to the other gym).

In conclusion I am losing weight to minimise carbon emissions and save the earth.

Diet Queen

'Ooooh. He card read good!'

Ok, so that title has absolutely no relevance to the content of this blog post. I just like to randomly quote The Simpson's.

I am going to blame several blackouts in my area for the lack of posts. Now that TDH is having his midday nap I can have my laptop all to myself with no distractions.

Ahhh this old HP lappy is driving me bananas. Someone give me a Mac Air. Pleeeaaase!

Basically I think globalisation can be blamed for making the western world fat (and the developing world malnourished). No self accountability in this blog, so sir-ree bob! And here is my explanation of Supermarket Chain contribution to obesity:

Before even starting this blog Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome and I went grocery shopping at our local Woolies. Lo and behold thirty can boxes of Coke were significantly reduced. Prior to this TDH and I would run down to the shops and purchase a 1.25L bottle of coke whenever we had a hankering… quite inconvenient. So it seemed logical to save some money and some time to buy the thirty can box (unless you are someone that believes you can develop Alshiemers disease by drinking out of aluminium cans, hmm, further investigation required). Well, within about 2-3 weeks the box was empty. Now I’m not too sure but that seems like A LOT of sugary caffeine to go through in a few weeks.

Anyway a couple of days ago again at the local Woolies if you bought two boxes of Coke cans there would be a whopping $20 saving. Ca-ching! After much deliberation TDH talked me out of the purchase, knowing we would drink it all too quilckly. How ironic. TDH (the junk food feind), talked me (the woman with a diet blog) out of a large insulin inducing investment (go alliteration!).

The question is, would I really have been so attracted to that plethora of Coke had there not been such a substantial monetary saving, especially during these financial times? OR am I becoming like my dad, who grew up a few years after the great depression and learnt to stock up on cheap canned goods? He still does to this day, not just cans anymore. He buys a large range of prepackaged items to stock, just as long as they are on sale. And as usual a mini dispute will eventually erupt between my parents as Mum clears out the pantry and thows away much of Dad’s stash that has now expired.

Is this my future?! Or dad should I be thanking you, because now I have come to the realisation not to buy in bulk just to save a bit of cash, inturn saving me from becoming the crazy tin-can lady (with the added bonus of saving my waistline from not drinking all that Coke).

Note to self: sugary, caffeinated, carbonated beverages are NOT part of a healthy diet anyway!!

Diet Queen

The Confessional: Year 9 Shenanigans

My secondary education took place at a catholic all girls school. It was a great school, we spent A LOT of time raising money and collecting food and clothing for charities, especially the St. Vincent De Paul Society. When I was fourteen and in grade nine, my good friend, let's call her Eski (she is a gorgeous exotic looking girl whose ethnic background is very hard to pick, which when meeting new people results in some kind of racial guessing game, the funniest answer being Eskimo. For the record her parents are South American, and she will tell you she is Aussie through and through), was involved in our schools Vinnie's society.

Members of the Vinnie's Society were asked to bake a cake and bring it in to be sold as individual slices to raise money. Eski (eleven years later and still my extremely close friend) didn't bake a cake. Her mum took her to the Sara Lee factory outlet and bought a huge slab of chocolate cake at a very low low price. Similar to the one pictured below.

I don't really recall the circumstances of that fateful day. I don't remember why Eski didn't go at lunch time to meet with the rest of the Vinnie's members. I don't know what cutting and eating utensils we had on us. I don't know what was in the sandwich I avoided eating. But I do remember (oh yes, I remember clearly) our group of about eight girls sitting on our hill, under the beautiful conifer trees. And I remember how we ate that entire cake! We were really quite amused by this unlikely event and our sugar high resulted in fits of giggles.

Come to think of it I can't even remember if that cake was really going to be used to raise money or if the Vinnie's Society were having an end of year party and just going to eat it anyway. I'll have to ask Eski about that. Whichever one we were still quite naughty.

Sorry Jesus.

Diet Queen

Anything you need to own up to?

Does love make us fat?

Ahhh! I told myself if I want to get anywhere with this blogging business, I would have to blog EVERY day. So much for that. The whole weekend gone by without a single glance at the computer. Well what more can you expect when you have a weekend full of visiting relatives, baby showers and the birthday of an incredibly cute four year old niece. Want some irony? All party guests had to bring a spectacular home made party hat, that would then be entered into a hat competition. Yours truly, 'Diet Queen', decorated her hat with edible treats like marshmallows, licorice and sprinkles. Everyone thought it was a cake. Maybe I will never escape my affinity to sweets.

Above is the aforementioned masterpiece of a party hat. The cardboard is visible where it is starting to fall apart. Unfortunately I did not win and did not receive the paddle and rubber ball prize.

Back to my topic of discussion. Does love make us fat? Sure as hell it does, well that's my argument anyway so let me enlighten you.

At the end of one of my previous blog entries I mentioned that at one time I was healthy and happy with my size. My life was on a roll. Living with two fun loving gals. Check. Going to the gym regularly, enjoying various classes, eating healthy and fitting into my skinny jeans. Check. Managing part time work plus university studies. Check.

Cue Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome (or TDH as I will now refer to him - and let me tell you he does tick all three boxes, he has a gorgeous mocha complexion which I hope our future offspring inherit), my current boyfriend, the love of my life and the person I attribute as the catalyst for the demise of my dedication to exercise and wholegrain pasta.

Really when it’s all said and done my actions are my responsibility and obviously it’s my own fault that I strayed from my commitment to a healthy lifestyle. However, I would just once like to indulge this fantasy theory.

It starts out as a few high calorie romantic dinners, then its followed by takeout on the couch watching So You Think You Can Dance (Jeez I love that show, I wish I could move my body in a way that doesn't just look some floundering fish out of water) with ice cream covered in Ice-magic as dessert. Usually I wouldn't have indulged so much in ice-cream, but I didn't want to come across as a high maintenance diva that would only eat salad and cardboard. TDH wanted a real girl, and how more real can you get than stuffing your face with sugary, flavoured, thickened cow juice? Then, bloody men and their high metabolisms sit and eat all the junk that they like, making offerings to you that are kindly refused. However, he insists you try some which all ends up leading to some joke about how he is your feeder. How sick is that?

That is just how they up the ante on your calorie intake. Next comes the disablement of any calorie burning activity (except the one they find most gratifying... wink, wink). Mind you this is something they can't control as it is basically due to you being besotted by their genetic perfection. So either you can gear up in your gym wear, charge you ipod, pack your towel and water, brave the cold outside, drive to the gym and then run, with no destination, on the treadmill. OR you could cuddle up to your very own TDH and ogle him as he tickles you and pays you sweet compliments. I will always pick the latter, especially during that honeymoon stage where you never want to leave each others side. Now even two years into the relationship, he is still such a sweetie-pie I can't tear myself away from him and leave him on his lonesome to pay a visit to the treadmill.

Maybe some other women can muster the strength to bid their loved one good-bye as they are sent forth to battle their own abs, quads, hammies and glutes. Although now TDH sees how much my weight gain is getting me down, I don't think he'll mind the abandonment so much should I chose to do so. But I don't know if I'll ever have the will power to resist TDH's offerings of pre and post dinner snacks.

Diet Queen

PS true story below

TDH's Friend: 'Would you break up with Diet Queen if she got really fat?'
TDH: 'No.'
Friend: 'Really?'
TDH: 'I don't have to worry about that because Diet Queen really takes care of herself.'
Diet Queen: 'Shit!'

Zoe's the bee's knees.

O.K, so I know this blog is still just a foetus and absolutely NO ONE reads it and way I'm too scared to send it to all my friends and say 'Get a load of this!', but I'm going to type away like I have a Perez readership following anyway.

When I was younger in my 'let's party every weekend' phase at about the age of twenty, I was known as the Beauty Guru. Not because I was some budding Napoleon Perdis but because I was good at remembering all the beauty tips from the variety of cosmo-esque magazines that I would read, and equally as good at regurgitating this information while the girls and I got ready for a big night on the town, sounding like the Stephen Hawking of beauty (minus the synthesised voice - no offense Stephen).

So it is evident I have a long standing love for all things pretty, girly and beauty related. Plus I think taking care of yourself and being comfortable in your skin is part of a positive lifestyle.

Now this is all a segue into a new beauty discovery I made. I realised I have a mega girl crush on the Editor in Chief of the awesome online beauty resource http://www.primped.com.au/, Zoe Foster, whose blog I follow religiously. She has even written a book called Air Kisses, which I am determined to buy and review as soon as the latest edition comes out at the end of this month.

I think I may channel all my beauty and Zoe mania into regular beauty blogs dispersed throughout my lifestyle blogs. And this will be the first one!

About two months ago I started going through an all natural skin care phase. The products have tended to be a bit more exy than my usual Priceline buys but my skin has never looked better! Honest to God.

Here's a few of the gems I have unearthed:

• Origins Modern Friction available at Kit Cosmetics - I was told that this is nature's microdermabrasion and being an exfoliation fan I went to town with this beauty, until.... I read Zoe's blog on the dangers of too much exfoliation.

• Antipodes Grapeseed Butter Cleanser and Manuka Honey Mask also available at Kit Cosmetics - these are not staples of my beauty regime, I just use them when I get a hankering once or twice a week. I was a bit iffy about using an oil based cleanser on my blemish prone skin but it presented no problems and both left my skin feeling super soft.
  

• This effectiveness of this next product range was a big surprise to me. I bought the griffin+row starter kit on a whim merely because it was on sale and like all women I'm not impervious the the great marketing schemes that play on my impulse purchase weakness. I use these products for my before-bed routine (except for the cleanser which I use morning and night) and I'm NEVER GOING BACK (prior to this I had to use a doctor prescribed retinoid gel at night)! When I wake in the morning, I find my skin smoother, my complexion clearer, and my pores smaller. What more could a girl ask for? Even better news, you can snatch up this range at your local Target store.

• After cleansing in the morning (with my griffin+row cleanser) I use either [A'kin] Refreshing & Soothing Toner or Pure Rose Hydrating Mist followed by my ultimate beauty weapon:

• ORGANIC ROSEHIP OIL! I've been using this stuff for years and as you can guess Zoe loves it too, for more than one reason. I use it in lieu of a facial moisturiser under my sunscreen and it reacts perfectly well with my insane breakout-y skin. I had been using [A'kin] Pure Radiance Rosehip Oil but recently changed to Trilogy Certified Organic Rosehip Oil basically because I could buy a bigger bottle and get more bang for my buck (hey, don't call me cheap, I have to spend all my hard earned moola on these products, and at retail price).

Well that's all for now. I'm still on a mission to find the perfect natural sunscreen and makeup, if you find some lemeknow.

Diet Queen

PS I seem to love hyperlinks just about as much as parentheses, as you may have noticed.

This oughta scorch your retinas!

So the other day a bought a little something to help me along with my healthy lifestyle endeavour. I bought it from Biggies. It’s called Health + Well-Being Journal: A Practical Organiser by Carolynne Hassall and Rennay Little. I think it may actually be quite useful. It enables you to record your goals, track your progress, keep a schedule, record checklists and note various contact and website details.

What intrigued me the most was in the progress tracking section. There is an area to place a photo of yourself every three weeks. I had never really thought about pictorial documentation of my weight loss or any other benefits noticed through a healthy lifestyle. It has inspired me. I am going to road test that idea right here on my blog, so be warned you are about to view images of my blubber belly, my love handles (large enough for a football team to hang on to for dear life) and my ass and thighs which resemble the surface of the moon. I just hope in about a month’s time the next lot of photos exhibit some obvious positive results or else I may just have to go and end this blog in embarrassment.

'Houston, we have a problem.'

No, this is not a product placement for Rio. This is no model they would request for their ad campaigns.

I really hope these pictures can inspire women and reassure them they should not be embarrassed about their jelly bellies. Let’s embrace what we have, stay positive, move forward and try to reach our goals.


Diet Queen

Am I really the Diet Queen?

Hmm.

‘It’s a bold statement calling yourself Diet Queen’ I hear you say. The name does elicit strong thoughts of a serial dieter. Is such a compelling title valid for me? I think… yes.

My first memory of trying to lose some puppy fat was when I was fifteen or sixteen, waiting for the house to become deserted, popping in one of my mum’s Denise Austin VHS tapes and going nuts. And when I couldn’t get the lounge room to myself I would go to my room and practice Denise’s most memorable moves (Back then I thought exercise would solve all my weight loss problems, I thought it would nullify any junk I ate and boy did I have a sweet tooth. Every morning as mum dropped me off at school I would take most of the silver coins from her purse for “photocopying” in the library, but really just bought custard tarts or m&m’s at lunch).

Then there was the time my parents thought I was bonkers as they watched me use my mum’s industrial size cooking pot to make enough cabbage soup to feed an army…. And then use all her Tupperware containers to store it in the fridge and freezer. Sorry to sound wasteful but unsurprisingly most of that soup ended up in the bin!

I tried reading Dr Phil’s weight loss book The Ultimate Weight Solution: 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom but then I got sick of him telling me to ‘get real’. Sorry Dr Phil, maybe I’ll have a crack at it again some time down the track.

Of course I’ve tried the milkshake meal replacements, who hasn’t? Give me a sandwich any day over cardboard tasting, protein filled, low-fat milkshakes… I just couldn’t do it.

My boss at one time told me she was using some pills that prevented the carbs you ate from being absorbed into the blood stream. Naturally I started using them too. Anyone else now interested to give them a go, let me save you the trouble. Don’t! They’re rubbish.

Speaking of popping pills, I once bought appetite suppressors from the supermarket. After taking them I was BUZZING. So then I read the ingredient quantities (no, not very wise to check the ingredients after ingesting them), and they were full of caffeine and guarana. Suffice to say they also ended up in the bin.

Then there are the… (cue ominous music) ….supplements. Yes these are supposed to be used in conjunction with healthy diet and exercise, but it is impossible to stay on top of all of them. First there’s the fat metaboliser you consume first thing in the morning, then you take the L-Carnitine, wait twenty minutes, then exercise, then breakfast… and be careful what you eat or it all shoots right through you. Oh yeah, and then have another fat metaboliser before bed and start all over again tomorrow morning. That was only one regime; there are millions out there to sample.

I actually did slim down once about two years ago. What was my secret? I joined a gym (with a friend, it helps so much for motivation), reduced my junk food intake and ate plenty of fruit and veges. Astonishing! But I’m not getting into that now… that’s material for a whole other blog entry.

Also did I mention I just had coffee and Tim Tams for breakfast…. somebody stop me!

Diet Queen

From a virgin blogger (umm that doesn't sound right).

O.K. Here we go. So here I sit, it’s half past twelve in the afternoon and so far I’m in the process of consuming a large skim latte and a piece of apple and cinnamon bread…. and this is my first meal of the day. Not particularly healthy, what happened to breakfast? I slept in, had ten minutes to get ready and have only just had time for a break at work to feed myself. Strangely, I was starving when I awoke but by the time I found time to eat I didn’t have much of an appetite, however I did need a caffeine fix, hence the large latte.

Already I can hear judgement, just another cog in the machine feeding women’s obsession with diet fads and unhealthy methods to shrink down to a skeletal size zero (actually here in Australia, American size 0 is equivalent to a size 4, but I like saying size zero with all its clichéd associations). I’m sure there are people healthy at size zero but for the majority of us, like me (starting to bust out of an Aus size 12 bordering on 14, which is a bit heavy for someone with my small 158cm frame), we would need to eat only newspaper to drop to that size.

Anyway, to continue I’m not here to indulge our desire to find the fastest route to weight loss. I’m here to lose weight, yes ( I look like one of those old women with the waistband of their jeans dividing their stomach into two unmistakable compartments, clearly on my way to becoming a ruminant), however I am also here to get healthy. I consume way too much caffeine, sugar and saturated fats. Whenever I eat something terribly unhealthy I can almost feel the fat distributing around my heart and cholesterol clogging my arteries. I can feel my bones becoming brittle as all the highly acidic food and beverages I consume strip my bones of their calcium stores.

If I know what I eat is slowly poisoning my body then why not just get on with it and have a salad sandwich? I can’t. I’m an addict. I need junk food rehab. This is for me. I hope if I journal regularly through my journey I will be more aware of the food I put in my mouth, enabling me to take responsibility for my actions. Besides if a gal doesn’t want to lose her boyfriend she needs somewhere to vent other than in his face.

I also know that there are many individuals like me struggling to develop a healthy lifestyle and thus struggling with self-esteem weight related issues. So anyone wanting to take a trip on the healthy train with me please hop on board!

Diet Queen

PS (I realise I may have a chronic liberal use of parentheses, however my thoughts often deviate on various tangents…. and that’s how I roll. I’m sure things would be a bit different if impeccable grammar was necessary to write a blog)

PPS I am ignoring those dotted red lines under certain words that are spelled in Australian English, which hails all the way from a place called ENGLAND.